Poor, poor Derek

MBY man Derek Wynans, 35, from Oban, has ridden with the Round Britain Powerboat Race over the past 10 days.

Here he gives his final impressions of the experience:

Well, that’s it.

Ten, horrible, painful, miserable days spent being bounced, shaken and generally tortured.

I have bruises on places I didn’t even know I had.

I’ve given serious consideration to amputating my own feet, just to be rid of the pain.

My knees are currently incapable of locking, so I’m forced to hobble everywhere with the gangly gait of a retired cowboy. And as for my shoulders?

But it isn’t all physical abuse. I’ve spent huge amounts of time asking ‘Where am I, what day is it and may I please sleep on your floor tonight because the B&B won’t let me in because it’s after midnight and I sounded “odd” on the phone’.

The girls at Race Control christened me “the boat tart” because I’ve hopped from boat to boat so many times.

Their mocking was relentless and without mercy. Mental anguish is currently beating physical pain, but not by much.

But, I have competed in all seven legs on board five totally different boats, from out-and-out speed machines to laid-back cabin cruisers.

I’ve seen the Norwegians carry out their duties with military precision, and I’ve grooved to the mellow sounds of big Barry White with the Belgians.

Each experience was interesting, in the Chinese sense of the word, and every day was unique in some way – sometimes subtle, usually not.

All that’s left to do now is purge my mind of the myriad of amazing experiences and get them down in print for the next two issues of Motor Boat & Yachting magazine.

But first, sleep. Sweet, wonderful sleee?